My heart skipped a beat as he walked into the room. He asked about my day, and then shared about his. It was like that, easy conversations ranging from light topics to deep issues of the heart. I enjoyed our discussions. But soon I realized I anticipated them more than I should. Why?
Because I was a married woman, and this man was not my husband.
Like weeds in a garden, wrong emotions had strayed into my mind and left unchecked began to grow. I started to pour time into this other man. I chose to receive emotional support from this man. I looked forward to the companionship of this other man. And before I knew it, I was on the brink of an emotional affair.
I could hang my head and weep.
My man was a good man. A hard-working man. Consumed with the worries of this world, a boatload of work buried him. He'd come home, eat dinner, and then dive into his work sometimes 2 to 3 hours long. Maybe I felt cheated or neglected, or second place to his work, I'm not sure.
But all I know was my emotional cup was empty, and I looked to refill it in the wrong place.
Temptation comes from our own desires,
which entice us and drag us away.
We women can easily slide into an emotional affair if we feel there is physical or emotional distance in our marriages. Having talked to many women on this very issue, I've felt compelled to share my story. By the grace of God, I caught mine early on, but that isn't always the case.
In the throes of an emotional affair, we are convinced:
- This other man understands me better than my spouse.
- This other man loves me more than my spouse.
- This other man is my true soul mate, unlike my spouse.
These thoughts knit discontentment into our minds, and before we know it we’ve entered the danger zone!
These desires give birth to sinful actions.
And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death.
Having a thought is one thing, but playing it over and over in our mind is not only dangerous to us emotionally, but also spiritually because we're harboring sinful thoughts.
Thoughts such as what it would be like to be in this other man's embrace, to be kissed by him, and for scenes to unfold in our minds which should be reserved for our husbands. Too soon these thoughts lead to actions, and before we know it, we are having sex with someone other than our spouse.
My friend, an emotional affair is the path to a sexual affair. Jesus girl, you do NOT want that.
So don’t be misled, my dear brothers and sisters.
Don't be misled! How do we slam shut the gate before we slide down the slippery slope? Next week, I'll share my climb back onto the path of life. Until then I have two words for you.
If this post has hit a tender spot in your precious heart, my friend, I beg you to flee whatever emotional situation seems all glittery and good. It's not. It's toxic and will steal your joy and your peace. Block his number, stop meeting him at your rendezvous spot, stop getting in his space, stop pursuing him, get another job, go to a different church, move, etc.
Whatever it takes, flee as if your life depends upon it, because it does.
If your thoughts are for any man besides your husband, take those thoughts captive like we are commanded to in 2 Corinthians 10:5.
Think of it this way: My youngest daughter loves animals, the smaller, the better. We've had one too many hamsters in her short lifetime. These furry rodents are escape artists extraordinaire. When one escapes, a mad flurry is made to capture the escapee, place it back in its cage, and firmly secure its cage door.
So it is with our errant thoughts about men who are not our husbands. We need to pounce on those thoughts and manhandle them with the Word of God. A few good verses to help us take our thoughts captive include:
1 Peter 1:13
I'm praying for you, my sister. I'm praying for conviction, repentance, and life for you. I'm praying for the scales to fall off your eyes and for you to see this situation for what it is, an affair. A sin. A shallow crumb compared to the feast the Lord has for you.
Don't be mislead! Run, Jesus girl! Run to the cross and live!
One final note: perhaps this isn't you...today. We ALL must guard our hearts. All of us have desperately wicked hearts and are one step away from sin. My sister, keep your guard up, keep your heart soft to the Spirit's prompting, and keep pursuing a life of holiness and purity.
Unraveling An Affair - Part 2
Jesus Girl. Wife. Momma. Student. Teacher. Lover of milky coffee, dark chocolate, lively laughter, deep talks, and a front row seat on the beach at sunrise.